Nurturing a Better Dog, Trick No. 5: Ignore Excited Greetings

It's All Important

If you have been following the series so far, I hope will have been practicing the techniques and already experiencing a positive change in your dog's behaviour. Although the methods are simple and some may seem to have nothing to do with your own dog's issues, by practicing them all regularly and consistently, you will be laying the foundations for a much happier, healthier, relaxed dog—and you. So, please, before you read on, go back and absorb the previous lessons and start practicing them from now on; you really will see great improvement just by following the previous advice.

This next lesson, although seemingly ineffectual at first glance, has the potential to bring about a huge difference for the better in your dog's behaviour, particularly if they have issues with excitability, anxiety, separation, or jumping up on visitors. Admittedly, it is one of the most difficult to carry out—not because it is hard to grasp or master, but because it goes against something that we tend to look forward to and enjoy every day. It's about ignoring your dog when you come home.

Ignore When Returning Home

"What?! Ignore my dog when he excitedly greets me on my return? Turn my back on his demands for a hug hello? Be aloof to my best buddy? Why on earth would I want to do that?!" I admit that it seems counterproductive (and a little rude), but the reasons why you should ignore your dog when you walk in the door are manifold and of profound importance to his or her state of mind.

For one, we should never reward excited behaviour that your dog initiates (we can of course go crazy with our dogs once in a while, but always on our terms, on our say, and only until we decide that it's time to stop). When your dog jumps up at you when you walk in the door and you accept that, you are telling your dog that you encourage him or her to lose control—and that means allowing your dog's issues to dictate his or her behaviour. To control our dog's problem behaviour, we must be in control of ourselves and every situation at all times.

Maintain the Status Quo

Another reason is that it is allowing your dog to disrespect you and not only giving the go-ahead to challenge your role in his or her pack, but also submitting to his or her bid for leadership. A pack leader would never tolerate another dog jumping on his or her back (in play, yes, but never at a time when it is important to demonstrate leadership).

Furthermore, by making such a huge fuss on our return, we are encouraging our dog to see our homecoming as one of the biggest events in his or her day, and that's not good, as it just leads to greater anxiety or out-of-control behaviour in anticipation of that moment. The same goes for when you leave the house: you should always make these daily events as low-key as possible—for your dog's benefit.

Control

Another reason is that we do not want to encourage our dogs to greet people (or other animals) in this way, as it is dangerous to all concerned, unappreciated by most recipients, and can lead to situations where your dog could be labeled as aggressive or out-of-control—and we all know where that can lead, especially if your dog jumps up at a child or somebody whose reaction will only make your dog more excited and, yes, aggressive.

Be Aloof!

Whenever a dog's pack leaders leave the den, it is usually to perform a potentially dangerous task, such as exploring new territory, defending boundaries, fighting, or taking food. It is likely that dogs—including the pack leaders—could be badly injured or even killed on such a foray. When the scouting party returns to the rest of the pack, they will be greeted enthusiastically, with lots of whole-body wagging and face-licking, which are joyous but respectful behaviours. Pack leaders will allow other dogs to greet them in this fashion, but they do something very powerful to reassure all the dogs of their continued ability to lead, to maintain the pack's status quo: they remain aloof.

Yes, aloof! You can do it! Just pretend you're royalty (though, as far as your dog's concerned, you really will be). When your dog gets too excited—and especially if he or she jumps up—simply turn away (don't get annoyed; you're regal, remember!) and ignore. You may have to do this several times. You may have to very briefly push your dog down (do not linger!) and then turn and ignore, but ignore you shall . . . but (and here's the good news you've been waiting for) only until your canine buddy has calmed down and no longer demanding attention; once that has happened, you can crouch down (so he or she doesn't have to jump up) and enjoy a much calmer, much more relaxed, much more respectful, and much more loving greeting.

Should your dog get excited or try to jump up or paw you when you're enjoying this calmer greeting, simply stand up in an aloof fashion and ignore your dog again until he or she calms down—which will happen within seconds—and then reward that with calm, quiet attention again.

Dogs Want to Know You're Still the Leader

And here's the thing to remember: Your dog will not perceive you as being mean and his or her feelings won't be hurt; instead, your dog will enjoy seeing that the pack structure is intact, his or her calm, assertive, benevolent leader is still in charge, and he or she won't have to step into the stressful role of leader for the pack's sake. The more you greet your dog this way, the happier, calmer, and better behaved he or she will become.

You should also advise all house guests (or anybody who greets your dog) to do the same: tell them your dog is in training and please do not look, talk, touch, or respond in any way to your dog until he or she is calm, and then ask them to give your dog a very calm, very nice, very relaxed bit of attention. Always, though, let your dog smell anybody he meets; it's how dogs meet each other, but we humans go and break protocol—rudely and aggressively—when we try to greet them the way we greet each other, with sight, sound, and touch.

Make Yourself Busy

I have a number of dogs to return home to several times a day, and although a couple may bark as they hear me outside, when I walk in the door, I am greeted respectfully and therefore more affectionately by them all. I make a point of busying myself for several minutes while ignoring them all, before greeting each affectionately once I'm sure I won't be causing excitement. Do the same—maybe go empty your washing machine, or quickly sweep the floor before greeting your dog on your return—and he or she will be so much happier knowing that you've returned from your foray unharmed.

As always, change first needs to come from you if you want to see change in your dog. Enjoy seeing how your dog reacts when you no longer reward anxiety or excited behaviour, and use it to improve the relationship you have with your dog. Ignore (or briefly correct) what you would rather not see again, and give long, enjoyable attention to the behaviour you want to encourage. Behave like a leader at all times (though it's fine to instigate and end fun or even crazy activities whenever you think it suitable), and understand that we all have perfect dogs—we just need to allow them to be so.

I act this way whenever I walk into the home of a dog I need to help rehabilitate (or when encountering strays)—and usually we get a better-behaved dog immediately, much to the exasperation of the person, who can't believe their dog is refusing to show his or her bad side now the dog-rehab guy is here! Just by ignoring dogs and therefore allowing them to smell me unmolested while I remain aloof, I am able to define our roles as leader and follower, and everything else from then on is easy because of the greater compliance and calmness I get from the dog from the outset, which always amazes the people of the house. Once the people mimic this way of greeting their dog, however, they get the same incredible results themselves—and you can do the same.

Summary

• All the lessons pertain to your situation, so follow them all if you have a problem dog, no matter what his or her issue is
  
• When you return home, ignore your dog until he or she is calmer and no longer demanding attention
• Being aloof maintains the status quo and your control over your and, consequently, your dog's behaviour
• Your dog will love you even more, and in a more secure way
• Have others greet your dog the same way
  

If you have any questions or concerns about any of these lessons, please just leave your comments below and I will respond as soon as I can, and perhaps amend the article accordingly, to address the points you raise. I won't ignore you, I promise.

Be aloof next time you greet your dog, and let me know how it goes.

Cheers!


Seán