Nurturing a Better Dog, Trick No. 5: Ignore Excited Greetings

It's All Important

If you have been following the series so far, I hope will have been practicing the techniques and already experiencing a positive change in your dog's behaviour. Although the methods are simple and some may seem to have nothing to do with your own dog's issues, by practicing them all regularly and consistently, you will be laying the foundations for a much happier, healthier, relaxed dog—and you. So, please, before you read on, go back and absorb the previous lessons and start practicing them from now on; you really will see great improvement just by following the previous advice.

This next lesson, although seemingly ineffectual at first glance, has the potential to bring about a huge difference for the better in your dog's behaviour, particularly if they have issues with excitability, anxiety, separation, or jumping up on visitors. Admittedly, it is one of the most difficult to carry out—not because it is hard to grasp or master, but because it goes against something that we tend to look forward to and enjoy every day. It's about ignoring your dog when you come home.

Ignore When Returning Home

"What?! Ignore my dog when he excitedly greets me on my return? Turn my back on his demands for a hug hello? Be aloof to my best buddy? Why on earth would I want to do that?!" I admit that it seems counterproductive (and a little rude), but the reasons why you should ignore your dog when you walk in the door are manifold and of profound importance to his or her state of mind.

For one, we should never reward excited behaviour that your dog initiates (we can of course go crazy with our dogs once in a while, but always on our terms, on our say, and only until we decide that it's time to stop). When your dog jumps up at you when you walk in the door and you accept that, you are telling your dog that you encourage him or her to lose control—and that means allowing your dog's issues to dictate his or her behaviour. To control our dog's problem behaviour, we must be in control of ourselves and every situation at all times.

Maintain the Status Quo

Another reason is that it is allowing your dog to disrespect you and not only giving the go-ahead to challenge your role in his or her pack, but also submitting to his or her bid for leadership. A pack leader would never tolerate another dog jumping on his or her back (in play, yes, but never at a time when it is important to demonstrate leadership).

Furthermore, by making such a huge fuss on our return, we are encouraging our dog to see our homecoming as one of the biggest events in his or her day, and that's not good, as it just leads to greater anxiety or out-of-control behaviour in anticipation of that moment. The same goes for when you leave the house: you should always make these daily events as low-key as possible—for your dog's benefit.

Control

Another reason is that we do not want to encourage our dogs to greet people (or other animals) in this way, as it is dangerous to all concerned, unappreciated by most recipients, and can lead to situations where your dog could be labeled as aggressive or out-of-control—and we all know where that can lead, especially if your dog jumps up at a child or somebody whose reaction will only make your dog more excited and, yes, aggressive.

Be Aloof!

Whenever a dog's pack leaders leave the den, it is usually to perform a potentially dangerous task, such as exploring new territory, defending boundaries, fighting, or taking food. It is likely that dogs—including the pack leaders—could be badly injured or even killed on such a foray. When the scouting party returns to the rest of the pack, they will be greeted enthusiastically, with lots of whole-body wagging and face-licking, which are joyous but respectful behaviours. Pack leaders will allow other dogs to greet them in this fashion, but they do something very powerful to reassure all the dogs of their continued ability to lead, to maintain the pack's status quo: they remain aloof.

Yes, aloof! You can do it! Just pretend you're royalty (though, as far as your dog's concerned, you really will be). When your dog gets too excited—and especially if he or she jumps up—simply turn away (don't get annoyed; you're regal, remember!) and ignore. You may have to do this several times. You may have to very briefly push your dog down (do not linger!) and then turn and ignore, but ignore you shall . . . but (and here's the good news you've been waiting for) only until your canine buddy has calmed down and no longer demanding attention; once that has happened, you can crouch down (so he or she doesn't have to jump up) and enjoy a much calmer, much more relaxed, much more respectful, and much more loving greeting.

Should your dog get excited or try to jump up or paw you when you're enjoying this calmer greeting, simply stand up in an aloof fashion and ignore your dog again until he or she calms down—which will happen within seconds—and then reward that with calm, quiet attention again.

Dogs Want to Know You're Still the Leader

And here's the thing to remember: Your dog will not perceive you as being mean and his or her feelings won't be hurt; instead, your dog will enjoy seeing that the pack structure is intact, his or her calm, assertive, benevolent leader is still in charge, and he or she won't have to step into the stressful role of leader for the pack's sake. The more you greet your dog this way, the happier, calmer, and better behaved he or she will become.

You should also advise all house guests (or anybody who greets your dog) to do the same: tell them your dog is in training and please do not look, talk, touch, or respond in any way to your dog until he or she is calm, and then ask them to give your dog a very calm, very nice, very relaxed bit of attention. Always, though, let your dog smell anybody he meets; it's how dogs meet each other, but we humans go and break protocol—rudely and aggressively—when we try to greet them the way we greet each other, with sight, sound, and touch.

Make Yourself Busy

I have a number of dogs to return home to several times a day, and although a couple may bark as they hear me outside, when I walk in the door, I am greeted respectfully and therefore more affectionately by them all. I make a point of busying myself for several minutes while ignoring them all, before greeting each affectionately once I'm sure I won't be causing excitement. Do the same—maybe go empty your washing machine, or quickly sweep the floor before greeting your dog on your return—and he or she will be so much happier knowing that you've returned from your foray unharmed.

As always, change first needs to come from you if you want to see change in your dog. Enjoy seeing how your dog reacts when you no longer reward anxiety or excited behaviour, and use it to improve the relationship you have with your dog. Ignore (or briefly correct) what you would rather not see again, and give long, enjoyable attention to the behaviour you want to encourage. Behave like a leader at all times (though it's fine to instigate and end fun or even crazy activities whenever you think it suitable), and understand that we all have perfect dogs—we just need to allow them to be so.

I act this way whenever I walk into the home of a dog I need to help rehabilitate (or when encountering strays)—and usually we get a better-behaved dog immediately, much to the exasperation of the person, who can't believe their dog is refusing to show his or her bad side now the dog-rehab guy is here! Just by ignoring dogs and therefore allowing them to smell me unmolested while I remain aloof, I am able to define our roles as leader and follower, and everything else from then on is easy because of the greater compliance and calmness I get from the dog from the outset, which always amazes the people of the house. Once the people mimic this way of greeting their dog, however, they get the same incredible results themselves—and you can do the same.

Summary

• All the lessons pertain to your situation, so follow them all if you have a problem dog, no matter what his or her issue is
  
• When you return home, ignore your dog until he or she is calmer and no longer demanding attention
• Being aloof maintains the status quo and your control over your and, consequently, your dog's behaviour
• Your dog will love you even more, and in a more secure way
• Have others greet your dog the same way
  

If you have any questions or concerns about any of these lessons, please just leave your comments below and I will respond as soon as I can, and perhaps amend the article accordingly, to address the points you raise. I won't ignore you, I promise.

Be aloof next time you greet your dog, and let me know how it goes.

Cheers!


Seán

Nurturing a Better Dog, Trick No. 2: Attention!

Attention, All Dog Caregivers!

Dogs, just like people, crave attention. It's one of the least obvious but most powerful rewards for encouraging the kind of behaviour you want to see again and again. Ignore a child and eventually he or she will start exploring ways to get some attention from you, and if that means being naughty just to get a reaction from you, that is what he or she will continue to do. We see so many kids who have learned bad behaviour just because it got them some kind of attention. These kinds of children likewise don't get enough attention when they're being good. Yet we blame them and punish them more and more (giving yet more attention!) as they keep repeating the behaviour that we have unwittingly encouraged. And so often we do exactly the same—or worse—with our dogs.

There are many rewards we can use to encourage certain behaviours in dogs, from treats to belly rubs, praise to excited chatter, walks to playtime. But it's that oft-overlooked reward of attention that brings out most behaviours simply because we give it without even thinking—and that's why it's a leading cause of dog problems; we're not being careful about what we give most attention to.

Here's a great dog-behaviour trick: give your dog attention whenever he or she shows a behaviour you want to see more of and ignore (or briefly correct) those which you don't. Pretty simple, huh? And pretty much common sense too. And yet we so often forget to put this into practice.

Be Very Careful What You Give Attention to and What You Ignore

Here's a typical example, one I encounter so often when helping people rehabilitate their dogs: A dog keeps jumping up on guests when they walk in the door, so I ask the person how he or she responds to that, and the reply is that they will shout at the dog, continuously push the dog down, repeat a command to the dog, or walk the dog into another room and close the door. I then ask what they do when the guest is now in the house and the dog has calmed down, and most often the response is that they whisper to their guest to please ignore the dog while he or she is being quiet so as not to evoke more excited behaviour. They have been doing the complete opposite of what they should do to encourage the dog to be calm when visitors come!

Turning Fear into Confidence

Another important example of how to use attention, which may seem difficult to comprehend and much more difficult to put into practice, but which has an instant, profound effect, is when dealing with fearful dogs: A dog may be terrified, for example, of other people when out walking; whenever someone nears or even approaches from afar, the dog starts to back away, pull at the leash, panic, thrash, and do all he or she can to avoid that man or woman. Often, the person on the other end of the leash then starts to talk calmly to the dog, trying to reassure or reason with him or her, speaking in soft, reassuring tones, repeating "It's OK. It's OK." again and again. Yet while the dog is walking happily beside them, they do and say nothing. Without realizing it, they have been encouraging the fearful behaviour while failing to encourage calmness. Yes, that's really all it is!

When I work with these dogs, I ask the person to not do or say (and try not to think about) anything while I calmly and confidently—and literally—take the lead. The dog always freaks out having me so close at first, yet I do nothing more than focus on the walk ahead and give a gentle tug on the leash to get the dog moving forward (a tug involves a quick but gentle pull and immediate release; we don't keep pulling on the leash, as this just maintains tension and invites resistance). While the dog is acting fearful, I ignore as much as possible and maintain a calm, assertive air—in fact, I act aloof, regal, like a leader who expects others to follow. As if by magic, the dog, craving a strong, fair leader to lead him or her through the terrifying ordeal, will choose to come and walk by my side, much to the disbelief of the person, who has never seen their dog choose to approach a stranger before. It gets even better:

Demonstrate Calm Assertiveness

We then walk, with me saying nice, soothing things to the dog while he or she behaves more and more like a happy, confident dog, but still focusing on the good walk ahead. I give a gentle tug without looking whenever the dog starts to think about pulling away, but never look at them, because that's not only attention, but also another invitation to challenge your leadership. When people approach, I anticipate the dog's behaviour and give a gentle tug upwards and towards me together with a firm 'Ah!' or 'Eh!' sound, which, to every dog, means 'Stop it' (those of you who speak Chinese, use the fourth tone; to everyone else, imagine stamping your foot as you say it, which will help you get he correct, short, sharp, deep, falling tone—other tones sound weak to a dog). I sometimes have to put my foot behind the dog to prevent him or her backing away, and may then put the dog in a sit position while the stranger walks past. Any behaviour that is a step towards calm acceptance is rewarded with kind words or a stroke; any time the dog's fear tries to take over, a gentle tug and a serious 'Ah!' or 'Eh!' is used. By doing this just a few times, the dog will start to accept people walking close by, and most often I can have the dog approaching people by his or her own accord simply by sitting down and ignoring the little guy or gal while he or she explores her new-found confidence.

How can we get such an incredible result so rapidly? We simply gave attention (with long, higher-pitched chatter) to the desired behaviour but ignored as much as possible, or gave abrupt, gentle corrections, with short, deep, serious grunts to those behaviours we wanted to stop. Dogs accept new leadership instantly, and they respond incredibly well to attention, and this is how we can achieve this life-changing, seemingly miraculous change in behaviour so quickly. It's a sad realization for the person that their kindness at the wrong times was actually causing fear and unhappiness in their dog. And it's not easy to change; I realize that. But if you want to help your dog, you must overcome your own need to show attention and affection when your dog is going through uncertainty and fear.

Apply the Magic of Attention to Anything!

This same technique works great for preventing all manner of bad behaviours, and can be adapted for all situations. For the dog jumping up on visitors, for instance, calm, gentle, lengthy attention should be given to the dog when he or she is quiet, and the jumping up should be deterred simply by having your guests completely ignore the dog (don't look, touch, or talk, and, in fact, have them behave aloof, as though the dog weren't there), and asking them to just turn away should the dog still try to paw them (don't use hands in any way, including pulling them away, as this just initiates play). Get your guests to give nice attention to the dog as soon as he or she calms down and have them stand up and turn away as soon as the dog tries tries to lift his or her paws off the ground. It works like magic. Try it.

Conclusion

I'll share with you the very best advice I have ever heard, not just for fixing problem behaviour in dogs, but for achieving greater success and happiness in life too: Whenever something keeps happening that you don't like, tell yourself "That's my fault" and ask yourself "What have I been doing to reward that behaviour?" More than likely, you have been unwittingly encouraging your dog to behave that way. Think hard about that. Be honest. Identify where you went wrong, adjust your actions accordingly, using attention and corrections or ignoring at the appropriate times, and watch how the problem disappears.

Now go and give some nice, calm, loving attention to your dog—but only if he or she is being good, calm, or quiet. And ignore or briefly correct excited, demanding, or other unwanted behaviour. And let me know how it goes; I look forward to hearing about the amazing changes you bring about in your own dog. You will be amazed.


Seán

(Remember, I will be demonstrating all these techniques in a series of videos to accompany these lessons, so look out for those later.)